Facing my Demons

 Yeah, it's been a hot minute since I last posted here. I have to admit,  after My 2nd miscarriage when I lost my son, I fell apart for a while. Let's be honest though; I am still broken from that. 

We are on our third miscarriage now and lost twins this last round.  I did extensive follow ups and bloodwork to make sure it wasn't my body attacking them and I am "perfectly healthy" other than being a tad overweight.  

That statement is laughable but I am also relieved that this is just freak luck as far pregnancy goes. We will try again after I have lost some weight but that is a journey with the inflammation issues from the fibromyalgia and PCOS crap. I will get there but it's frustrating, to say the least. 

All this has lead me down a lovely but humbling road of self discovery that has lead me here. Buckle up, ladies and Gents, it's time for my midlife crisis! No, I am not going to go buy a Lamborghini, (yet) but I am definitely questioning my life right now.

Somewhere along this journey of mine, I am beginning to think I lost a large piece of myself and it's seriously messing with me. These feelings of loneliness and searching for something I can't seem to find have been haunting me for 4 years now.

After therapy today, I started to realize that I am not exactly being true to myself and I haven't been for a really long time. When I got sick with my liver stuff, I went into survival mode. That was back in 2009 and I don't really think I ever recovered from that transition.  

I started to get better around 2016 but I had spent all of my 20's sick and fighting for my life so I never really mentally made that transition to adulthood like most people my age. I didn't have the luxury of "discovering myself" or "finding my purpose" because I was busy trying not to die in my sleep. It was a valid reason for the things I did and the way I was living then...but not now.

I am still only surving but I am definitely not allowing myself to thrive and I can not help but wonder why that is. I know I am Sabotaging myself from the things I want and who I want to be. I know I am capable of anything I set my mind to; I am literally a genius. I have been tested many times on that subject. 

I never really believed it until now but I am starting to see what everyone was talking about in my younger years. I have some pretty incredible gifts for learning and memory retention and that makes for a pretty smart cookie. I have alot of talents and that is great and all but Somewhere along the journey,  i have lost sight of the things that make me...well...me! 

I can't help but wonder in all this where the kine of identity crisis and longing for the past are meeting but I do know one thing; 8 am not happy the way I am. 

Yeah, sure, my life is great and I do have the most amazing husband I could ask for. I have my sweet fur babies and friends and family that love me exactly as I am, nothing to prove needed. The problem is, when I look in the mirror, I want to cry.

There is a stark difference between what I feel I am and what I see looking back at me. It's not even close to the same these days. I don't know how to fix this dysphoria but I know that I can't take this anymore. I just want to love and accept myself. 

I am going to take tomorrow to do some discovery work and do a self talk session to try and figure out what I need to heal and love myself again. Who knows, maybe this whole episode is just another round of bipolar glory at its best. Either way,  self improvement is usually a good thing. 

I am going to have to tackle this beast like any other; one bite at a freaking time. Gods, above, I am already tired and I just started. Maybe I should take some pre battle r&r before I start all this. A nap does sound pretty damn nice about now! 

Poem: Jett Boren

The Ravens

By Jett Boren

Seekers of truth...

Keepers of wisdom...

Ravens have no need of champions. 

We fly farther and see more than any hero could possibly dream.

Tomorrow's echos etched upon our beaks

And the laws of time naught but the wind that Carries us

As we frolic between now, yesterday and what will be.

Heroes? Champions? 

We watch your said heroes with mild amusement, open curiosity and gentle reprise.

Carry on wayward warriors,

Determined fools,

Hopeless admirers and headstrong Brutes.

We will be waiting to show you the truth of things

When all is lost and darkness subcomes your volcanic head

Into a cooler more subtle state of growth, progress and wisdom.

There we will teach you

There we will fly beside you and comfort your weary soul

There we will teach you the beauty of darkness

So that when the light comes forth again you will be more prepared 

And more grateful for the simplicity of life and day.

We are the ravens

We have no need of champions

But we create and shape them 

from the comforts of the shadows 

Now and forevermore

Gratitude of the day: My Redfox
Photo: Jetta Marie


Today, in an effort to combat the every looming cloud above my pretty little head, I would like to give a very special shout out to my amazing husband and best friend, Redfox. Red, as he shall hereby be known on this blog, is a trooper to say the least. I have been struggling for the past year trying to recover from a manic and grief and the results have been less than pretty, yet this man has stood by my side and been my rock.

He is poor with emotions(INTJ) but god bless him if he doesn't try his very best to see where I am coming from, even if it doesn't make a lick of sense to him. I am so grateful for all his attempts at comforting me, for him never giving up no matter how much he pisses me off and for tolerating me in general these last few months. The fact that he tries so hard to make me smile for just a moment, and tried to help even when he knows he can not makes me love him all the more.

the most important thing is that he sticks around and keeps trying to get through. He has my back 100% and I am so grateful for all he does( or tires) to do for me. I am a lucky lady and I know it. He is far from perfect but I am pretty sure he is closer than me most days. Thank you Red; I love you.

Jett

Hey Peeps-

The anxiety is driving me insane and I have no idea how to deal with it. I am so manic it is not even mildly amusing. My thoughts are going faster than a bullet train towards a broken bridge and my anxiety is constantly making me feel like I am having an allergy attack and my throat is closing. 

The rational part of me KNOWS  this is bullshit. I know I am not allergic to everything, I am not going to die, i probably ought to drink some more water and for lack of a better way to say it, I NEED TO CHILL OUT! The problem is, it is not that easy when you are literally fighting your own brain. I still have to fight it but it is not as simple as just taking a toke and being fine and dandy. (Hopefully someday that will be an option where I am at but right now CBD is the best I can do for maintenance and it is no contender to an oncoming manic.)

But the manic has arrived and this already tired warrior is grudgingly getting up to do battle yet again. I know this is not my fault but at the same time, I have to take responsibility to take care of myself and get my neurotransmitters working again. I need to balance the seriton so that I can sleep, eat, manage the impulsivity and control my Everest sized mood swings again. I know that this jittery feeling of needing to constantly be doing something is from high levels of Noradrenaline and I need to calm it down so that I can focus. I know my chemicals are out of whack  and I have to humble myself and accept help at this point. Being sick is not my fault but staying sick is; staying sick and letting this continue will kill me.

Knowing that you cant control your own moods by yourself no matter how much discipline you have sucks. You wonder if you were just a little stronger if you would have to take these stupid pills. You are filled with anger and want to be alone because you know you on are a hair-trigger but at the same time you are so lonely you feel like it will break you. Your mind is racing and you know you are a mess but you try to hold it together for your loved ones because you can see how much your pain hurts them, but you can only block the bath of a hurricane so well. Right now, you are the very storm that people fear and that brings a little shame to top it all off.  In a nutshell, this is bipolar disorder; during phases like this, it is like you carry the wrath of hell in your eyes and face, the pain of the world in your heart, the swords of a samurai in your words and the attention span of a 3 year old expected to work as a functioning adult. 

I am cracked and broken. My mind is a mess and I am frantically trying to pick up the pieces while working through the grief of losing our son last year. It seems like every month is a new trigger now; He was dues in August, we conceived him in October, we found out in November and we lost him in December. I know if I focus on these facts, then I will wither away and sub-come to my low state. I cant do that; I have way to much to live for. THings suck right now, but I know I am not alone. I am strong enough to handle this and my previous victories are proof of that. 

I am taking some meciation for the manic but I am thinking i need something for the anxiety as well while I fight this. I hate that I have come to this point but I know what I have to do. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers cause this battle may be a doozy. 

Jett M

Gratitude of the day: The wisdom of my elders and Sensei's in my life. 

Photograph: Jetta Marie

Dear Readers;

As most of you know, my dear sweet grandfather passed away about two weeks ago. I was asked to write a poem in honor of him for the funeral. Though I could not read it our loud it was put on the back of the program.

As a poet and avid writer, written words are not often difficult to find. But lately I have taken on some things that have put that gift to the test. This was one of those things; finding a way to sum up a lifetime of memories with a man that can only be described as a true disciple of good in this world. My grandfather was one of the wisest, most intelligent, kind-hearted and spiritual people that I have ever had the privilege to have in my life. It brings me to tears of humility to know that this great man and I are related, and that his genetic lines run in my own blood. I hope that through the course of this life I have been given that I can live up to even a quarter of the good this man has done for so many in his life. I hope that I can make half the difference to half as many people; that alone would nominate me for a Nobel prize.

I am going to miss him more than my humble words have ability to convey. But I am so grateful to have been given the tools to learn and the wisdom that he provided me. I am going to post the poem I wrote for him at a later time, but for now, in honor of my grandfather, I would like to share a story about him.

I was a pretty good student up until my first year in high school. Things started off ok but my grades and focus slowly started to show some serious signs that something was pretty off with me. Nobody could quite put their finger on it and due to the depression, I was not exactly being cooperative in letting people in on the private hell I was going through. Mood swings and mental decline, depression, thoughts of taking my life, unexplained pain that ran from my neck and into my spine and worst of all, a feeling of apathy and hopelessness.

My parents took me to the doctors, who pretty much told them that I was a hypochondriac. I ended up in therapy and being improperly medicated for a year or so. The pain became ever worse and my mentality slipped further and further. I was at a point where I was coming to accept the fact that I was stupid and a hypochondriac, which did not help the depression I was going through, nor did it stop the agonizing pain I was in. And then Dad took me to see Grandpa for an afternoon.

Grandpa knew right off the bat that something was not right with me and outside to the porch we went. We talked for a bit about a project he was working on for the family, and he asked me about school. I said it was fine but he somehow knew I was fibbing, and gently let me know that dad had told him I was struggling. I was sure he was going to remind me how important school was and that I needed to get them up and work harder. He was quite for a minute before he told me how much he had hated school too. I was a bit shocked to hear that, being as I had seen him openly correct doctors and scientist to many to count and be perfectly correct on the matters.

Grandpa asked what I was struggling the most with and I told him math. I told him I could understand things while I was in the classroom but when I tried to go home and do it I just lost everything I had learned. He said that he was not surprised by this because that is not the way I learn.  He taught me that some people learn by being told, some by seeing, and some beautiful rare types learn by terms of kinetic understanding. In his terms, these are the people that need to get in and get messy with learning until they understand every tick of how it works. He then looked in my eyes and said, "Jessica, you are NOT stupid. Your systems for schooling are stupid because they don't give a second thought to people who learn like we do."

He told me that I needed to embrace the things that I found interesting and to learn on my own. He told me that I needed to read and study something every day. He told me that God made me the way I am for a reason and that I needed to take my mind into my own hands and embrace myself and my way of learning; I just needed to learn! He encouraged me to pass my classes but he did not chasten me for my grades. He taught me that learning is actually pretty fun. He taught me that their is a big world outside of school and that if you want something in this life no grade is going to determine my ability to achieve. I alone determine that by my own dedication and willingness to do what it takes to make my dreams come true.  Then we somehow got onto the subject of why I was on medication at 14 ... that conversation got him a bit heated!

I am so grateful for having this wise man in my life. For this, and the many other lessons that I shared with him that have helped me shape the amazing, crazy, beautiful woman that I am today. A women who loves to learn, and is not defined by grade systems or the opinions of others. A strong, intelligent, stubborn, determined, big dreaming, never giving up kind of woman who is going to make a difference in this world. This pearls of wisdom will forever be with me and will guide me every step I take in this life. Today I am thankful for the wisdom and life of my grandfather, Sinclair Gilbert Cannon. Until, we meet again my, sensei. I love you and I miss you.

A New Day

Photography: Jett Boren
Gratitude of the day: New Beginnings and never giving up

Dear Readers;

Guess what? I did not fall off the face of the earth! Woo- Hoo and whatnot and such. :D  However, due to the lack of posts over the last year I do feel the need to explain where the heavens I have been hiding.

Depression reared its ugly head, and reading through this blog I think we could all see that struggle was getting very difficult for me. I am not going to fib and say everything is all better now and that I am cured and all is well. That would be a bold faced lie and a half.

But I have had a lot of time to soul search over the past year and to work on taking care of the emotional challenges that I face. I have regrouped, so to speak. I discovered in early 2015 that in addition to having bipolar, I had an underlying issue that had been repressed and was trying to surface. I was diagnosed as having complex PTSD. After having to be hospitalized again, thankfully in an outpatient program this time rather than a full on lock up at the psych ward, I was able to work through some things and get back into counseling with a counselor that has honestly been a true God sent. With her friendship and guidance, Chaz and I discover some holes in my past that have been holding me back. I learned all kinds of fancy tools for emotional regulation and am truly on the road to recovery.

As part of that recovery I am starting my blog up again. I know that in my challenges I have become stronger and that I can now help many of you to do the same. I am not perfect and I am done making weekly goals and committing to things I can't handle. But I can do my best to light the way for others, and to take those difficulties and not be ashamed. To share them so that others can light their flames and find comfort and gratitude in their day. I am here to pave a path of hope and to light a flame inside each of you. Things get difficult; life is a challenge every single day but I can tell you that no matter how hard things get, there IS beauty in this world still. And I am committed to sharing that beauty here for us all.

I had to sub-come to the ashes for a bit; that is bipolar and its my life. I don't wish it on anyone, but I also know that it will light my wings going forward. I am a phoenix, ready to rise again and remember how to soar. Ready to light the way for others again and to share the things I have learned from the wisdom of the ash. I will burn again at some point and I know that is perfectly OK. I am what I am and I make no apologies for that. I accept it and grow from my mistakes and challenges and I embrace who I am both the weak and the strong. I am ready to soar again and to light the wings of those who follow me. Who is coming with me? Its a bright new day, folks. Lets get out there and find something beautiful in today!

-Jett M Boren

Poem: Creativity

Creativity

Photography: Jetta Marie

Poem: Jetta Marie

Gratitude Of The Day: Creativity and being a part of a world where it can be expressed, nurtured and loved. 

Creativity

I see the things that you cannot

I create complex from simple thoughts

I weave tales and colors into being

This talent is the song I sing

Though some of it you love or hate

I will never cease to thus create

For in that one that sees my style

And is brought to awe or gentle smile

In that one person that sees anew

In a moment of wonder transferred me to you

In this my love, in this my glee

In this is the muse for creativity. 

Others Like Me

Sometimes it seems an uphill battle to try and show others the message and power of gratitude. Sometimes it seems like a journey I face on my own and I don't make a whole lot of impact. But in my heart, I know that it could not be farther from the truth. I am not perfect, but that is what makes me human and beautiful. I can focus on the fact that I am not always exactly grateful for everything in the beginning, or I can find a peace an oneness to accept my humanity and change my perception. 

I have found in my travel s over the world wide web, a lot of amazing people whom I admire very much. Recently I found someone particular amazing because he reminds me that when you have a message to share, you don't need to focus so much on the worries and tribulations of being a wisdom sharing individual. Its like the famous Nike ads have always said...You just do it. Share what is in your heart; you may make more of a difference than you think you do. And like Jerry Sargeant, whom I would like to publicly thank so much for getting my faith in what I do back on track and inspiring me to continue my quest to spread love into this world by the power of perception and gratitude. You should all check out his facebook page and look at the wonderful inspiration he has to offer everyone. 

There Are Others Like Me

Though I am special

Strong and unique

It is still nice to know

There are others like me

Out to bring change 

To a world in need

Out to spread love

And to combat the greed

Out to make difference

Out to lift hearts

And it is a work

I will whole hearted embark

I will be strong

And let my wings free

Cause I'm not alone

There are others like me

Together we save lives

We open you heart

This is a mission

I am glad I am a part. 

Gratitude: The process of wisdom

The process of wisdom

Challenge: How many famous quotes on wisdom are contained within this poem? Can you name the masters that I talk about? First hint- there are 5 of them. 

Each day the new dawn draws its breath

In its setting just the same

Are so many opportunities

In understanding thus to gain.

Wisdom is the taking

Of the knowledge of the day

And coming to understanding

Not simply knowing what to say

Understanding comes from process

Of a fact that you impart

And turning it over in your head

And storing it in your heart

In this understanding 

Comes knowledge that there is more

And this learning will continue

If you allow it, Evermore

What then will come, you ask?

As you travel paths less taken?

Why wisdom will begin

If your courage is not then shaken

For in wisdom comes an honor

For which courage is much needed

When a grain of wisdom you do hold

It must to grow,and thus be seeded

Into the mind of fresh perspective

A chance to impart its breath

A new young mind to guide and teach

For not share it would be its death

Wisdom is a process 

Not for the the fools you see

The fool thinks that he has it

But the wise knows that not to be

In the ambiance of the breath of dawn

In the wonder of live's magic bind

Wisdom is a treasure 

And a process of heart and mind

Facts will come to understanding

Understanding to knowledge grow,

Knowledge will come to wisdom

And then you too shall know

To begin this process so intense

A master once did muse

That the way to understanding life

Is first to understanding you

There is so much wisdom

And beauty in each day

Its more than I could simply write

Or even I could say

But the truest beauty of this all

Is wisdom is within

each and every one of us

So let your journey now begin

Open your eyes to this glorious world

See that which your heart implores

take the challenge to see the world

And  wisdom can be yours

Letter: Challanges

                                             

Dear Readers,

The time is fast approaching where I will leave my beloved blog site for a new official website on the internet. I am both excited for the challenge and know that it will bring this mission to more people around the globe, and nervous for all the amazing opportunities and challenges that I am being faced with this year.

I currently am in the process of a lot of changes in my life. My husband and I are looking to move, we are both starting the process of  trying to sell ideas and talents. I am pursuing my passion in photography and trying to set up a studio and he has developed a line of amazing skin care products that should be on the market next year. There have been a lot of changes, both good and bad in both our families and I have to say that having all of this going on has been a bit of a challenge to say the least. The businesses and daily bills are challenging to keep up on, and the emotional and mental tolls of daily life have caused a few mental breaks for sure.

But in a strange and beautiful way, I know that the challenges I have faced are what has made me a stronger person today. I have made the choice to look at them as both a challenge and an opportunity to maintain a zen perspective and use these hardships as opportunities to better myself and my life.

This life is never without hardship, but I do know that how much we internalize those hardships and how hard they actually have to be is more on us than anything. We cannot control what life throws at us but we can decide what to do when we are hit in the head. Do we get angry and try to throw the ball back? Do we sit down and cry? Do we pick up the ball, dust ourselfs off and stop standing where the balls are being thrown? Or do we prepare for the next pitch and vow a home run?

We all get to choose how we will handle the hardships in our lives. It is like I have always said, perception of the world is the key to happiness and understanding in this life. Gratitude in itself is a choice on how you see things. Its not an easy skill to master but its worth it in the end. It all starts with one choice that you choose to see the glass half full on when it is easier to see half empty. Perception, like anything is a skill and practice is the beginning of a change that is beautiful.  But it all starts with a choice on how you will handle a challenge. So, I emplor you to ask yourself this question; how is the perception of your glass today?

As always, I love you all and hope that the day is full of beauty and happy moments. May the challenges you face today be opportunities that you can recognize and use to better your life. I am ever grateful to all of my readers and cannot wait to introduce the new website next month. Updates will be posted weekly.

Always and Artfully Yours

Jetta Marie

Wisdom in hardships

" Let your learning turn to knowledge and with the passing of time that knowledge will one day become the awesome gift of wisdom. " -Jetta Marie B

Photo: Jetta Marie

Poem: Jetta Marie

Gratitude of The Day: The ability of understanding that we all have experiences in our life, be they good or bad, that contribute to the wisdom that each of us possess. Even if our words are not exactly poetry we all have contributions of our understandings of life that we should all be proud of and share in a spirit of kindness and love to our fellow humans. Especially the younger ones, though you may have to have some patience for things to sink on that audience. ;)

IN the ambiance of the woods

Beneath the trees grand heights

Lies a world in leaves decay

A humbling and awing sight

There lies a forest all its own

Springing forth from summers gone

In this wisdom of the woods

These woods can carry on

Much like the woods of which I speak

We all can lose our ways

We can forget that seeds of hope

Have been left before our way

Through the trials and the learning

we experience each day

Those seeds can bring us peace

When we have all but lost our way.

Wisdom is not easy 

To understand or gain

I know its hard to grasp at times

That there are choices in ones pain

For pain is overwhelming

And I understand to well

That it has a powers all its own

And can feel like flaming hell.

But in my meager life 

Through my own travels in the rain

I know that wisdom is a choice 

When we are faced with pain

It like that unseen forest

Far beneath trees

That little forest all its own

With its hope filled little seeds

They keep the forest strong

Though their small and struggle so

But in natures grand design

Those sprouts will help this forest grow

Now you can see this miracle 

As a simple pile of leaves 

With not but  a few small sprouts

And nothing to truly see

Or you can search inside you

And you can take a different stance

And with a change in heart

You can embrace in natures dance

Understanding that this pile of death

This mound of summer past

Lays life  springing forth in glory

And a future that can last

Pain is much like seedlings

Springing from the dust

The perception of its beauty though

Is solely placed on us

So do you see a Pile of leaves

Of rot, mold and decay?

Or do you see the beauty

That this mound of dirt displays?

Do you learn from pain in life

Or does it consume your being?

Is it a tool for wisdom

Or a thing from which your fleeing?

We all have seeds inside us

That will sprout from dust and gloom

Those seeds will rise above pain

And into a forest bloom

And as you chose to face it

To find wisdom as you grow

My words will one day hit you

And my own wisdom will you know

I do not dismiss of heartache

Of the pain in each our lives

But what I wish to tell you

Is you can fall or you can fly

Adventure/poem: Salt Lake City Farmers Market

Dear Readers;

Chaz and I had an amazing time at the farmers market this past Saturday. It was a nice change to the depression that has been ruling my life these past months. I had a chance to not only see some amazing things, but to look up from the ground and to talk to people. Sometimes I think we get stuck looking at the ground and missing the amazing sights, sounds and energy around us. We all get stuck in that rut sometimes but we all have the ability to get out of it too. When you feel like you may be fitting into that category of melancholy perception take this challenge; just look up and find a few things that make you smile. It may take a minute but this change of mind is just like anything else and it takes practice. Sometimes a good friend to give you a nice push is nice too. :)

So here are my looking up moments from the Saturday farmers market:

Photography: Jetta Marie
Poem: Jetta Marie
Gratitude Of The Day: a day of rest, fun, education, and wonderful people that I got to share with my Chaz at the Salt Lake City Farmers market this past Saturday. I love date days.

Kasthuri's Cupcakes

Its nice to find people who are passionate about life and their work. And some of the most passionate people I met today just happened to be in a line of work that I am particularly fond of. CUPCAKES!
The unique thing about these cupcakes is that Kasthuri understand the need for everyone, no matter what ailments they have, to be able to enjoy the simple joy of a frosting topped mini wonder. She has made it possible for those who suffer from gluten allergies to enjoy her work just like the rest of us. These cupcakes are also 1/2 the regular amount of sugar you would find in a grocery store cupcake. Her flavor creations are to die for; such inspirations as Orange blueberry and spiced chai. Yup, its official; I loved this booth and all the little mini wonders of sweetness it contained. If you are interested in contacting Kasthuri for an organic and amazing treat or an event, you can find her at
http://cupcakesbykasthuri.com 

Golden Touch Puppets.

These little muppet looking puppets brought back some nostalgia moments and defenatly brought a smile to my face. How stinking cute are these little guys? This were created by Linda Gold and you can check the full line out at her website on Etsy.com.  The easy way to get to it is to go to etsy.com and put in " golden touch puppets" in the search bar. You can also contact Linda at goldentouchpuppets.yahoo.com. Such a cute vision for these little guys.


Thank you so much to everyone who was willing to let me feature them on my blog today and for everyone who was so wonderful to share their passions with me. And to my readers; get out there and do something fun! You don't have to spend a lot of money or doing something extreme to have a blast and see some amazing things. You just have to get off the couch and experience life. Look up and love what you see. Have a good day everyone. Love you all!

Artfully Yours,
Jetta Marie

Look Up

Its easy to miss life around

When you're busy starting at the ground

So if you want the half full cup

Find the courage to look up.

See the people running round

You would see them looking down.

Notice how they rush and scurry

Always in a flush and flurry.

Kind of funny if you sit

And watch them for just a little bit.

See the sky of blue and gray

Be grateful for another day

There is so much to look forward too

But that perception stands on you.

You can look up and find grand and sweet

Or keep looking down at rocks and feet.

What is your perceptions stance?

So where will you direct your glace?

Shout Out: Nephi, the hero of my camera set

I had a wonderful opportunity to be a part of the Grantsville High photo day on Monday, September 15th of 2014. It was already a great school and I was so happy to be the lead photographer there but I had an unexpected series of events that could have been dastardly had one awesome high schooler not been there to swoop in. As most of you know, I do from time to time have battle of the wits with my nemesis dyscalculia or A.K.A number dyslexia. I was having a rough morning with it and incorrectly positioned my main light at an embarrassingly tall number so needless to say I had a cord that was not quite where it ought to have been...and I was a little tired...and I am sure you can see where this goes. I tripped on it and the whole thing started falling like a slow motion horror film. I was able to catch it as it fell but in trying to get it back up it was too tall to balance and started falling the other way. But there happened to be one awesome senior standing in line right next to my set and he pretty much pulled a superman deal and we got it back up. *whew* I remeasured and all was good with that, but I could not help but give a giant shout out to Nephi for saving my day and really, all of our day. Had my camera been unable to function that would have been a long day for the whole school. Thank you so much for saving my butt Nephi. Words can seriously not thank you enough for being there when you were. :D

Sincerely,

Jetta Marie

Poem- Little Hopes

Little Hopes

The world has got me down today

For eternity I want to lay

Alone in tears from all this pain

My mind is drifting from things sane.

But in my shallow darkness bleak

Though I feel so tired and weak,

I try to find those little things

 Things of beauty now to sing.

So like a game I seek life's gifts

In hope this sadness will then lift

So here they are in proper pose

my glistening dew upon my rose;

I am grateful for the sky and trees

For the people who are there for me,

For the sense of calm in raging storm

For being nothing at all near norm,

For the way I see the world around

For the way I hear each wave of sound

For the power to learn from what I lack

For the classy shirt upon my back.

I guess though hard I can be glad

And remember the things that I DO have. 

My day of pain has changed one hue,

Oh, the power of brighter views! 

One little hope to lift the blues

The amazing power of gratitude.

Shout Out: Paris- My Awesome helper at Ititeris Early College Prep School

Gratitude Of They Day: Paris, you are an adorable model and an awesome young lady and it was a pleasure having you help out on this crazy day. 

Dear Readers;

My spotlight today is this awesome young lady with the lovely name of Paris. She is just as lovely as her name and I was so grateful to have her help on Monday. At work, we had the honor of obtaining a new contract at Itineris Early College Prep school in West Jordan, UT. I got there bright and early just after 6:30 and shortly after that this young lady came into the classroom I was setting up in and asked what she could do to help out. She helped me move some tables and chairs and we listened to one of her music stations and talked about music a bit. The amazing part with her came when all hell broke loose with my equipment and I started getting errors like there was no tomorrow. Camera was bugging out, lights were not functioning, and I was a bit stressed out to say the least. knowing that there was a growing line and nothing I could do I told her is was fine if she wanted to high tail it and go. initially she did step out, but she was back very shortly after. 

Through out the whole day, she kept popping her cute little head in to see if there was anything she could do for me. Most of the time she just kept me company because there was little either of us could do but just bare through the mess one bit at a time and get some great pictures in the meantime. But we got through, we made it and I could not have asked for a cooler and thoughtful assistant for the day. It was an absolute pleasure to work with you, Paris, and I hope I get the honor to take your pictures again next year. Outside of school photos, if you ever need any photography done I would be honored to work with you again. Plus you are just a beautiful young lady and I could do some amazing photographs with your natural modeling ability. You have talent girl, and I would know. I do this for a living and I know a good model when I see one. ;) Have a great year and thank you for your company, your willingness to go above and beyond, and for all your help.

Artfully Yours, 

Jetta Marie

Shout Out: Ashley

Ashley

Photo: Jetta Marie
Gratitude: Ashley; what an awesome lady. I had a tricky order due to coupons and she was great about it.

Dear Reader:

As most of you know, I am what is considered an "extreme" coupon enthusiast. I admit with some orders I can be a tad of a pain in the butt, however the money I save by what I do can often times be very worth my efforts. There is usually the cost of upsetting the person who has to deal with my money saving extremeness, which I understand when I want you to ring up 5 items separate even though they are the same item. I really don't mean to be a headache, but what I do keeps my family going when I don't get the hours I hope for at my work or things are tight for whatever reason so despite this I keep doing it and I hope that people like Ashley are the ones who check me out at the register. I was lucky on Sunday and my hopes were met.

Ashley was even mildly upset at what I wanted her to do, and this kick-ass young lady was an absolute pleasure to talk to. She is a budding photobug herself and we actually had a lot in common. She had a very go getting personality and at the same time she was also  what I would refer to as very chill. As I was talking to her, she asked if I did black Friday sales. I will never go to one ever again and I told her about my experience with it waiting in line for a DVD player at Walmart back in 2000. Each. In a nutshell, people were not even acting like people and there was a ton of rude behavior going on. Ashley simply stated that rudeness like that deserved a good old punch in the face in her opinion.

As I continued talking to her, I sensed a real dislike for rude people and each time an example of it came up in our conversation her remedy was simple and direct; take care of it and let them know they are being a butt.  She was so much fun to talk to and I have to say, this girl has got the right attitude to do great things in her life. She does not sit back and just let things happen, she makes things happen. She knows what customer care is and she is very good at it. I felt like I was just chatting with an old friend as she helped me support my husband and I with my coupons.

So Ashley, thank you so much for being just who you are. Thank you for helping me make the most of yet another shopping trip. Thank you for chatting with me and making my shopping experience so enjoyable. when you get up your photo website, let me know and I will post a link to it. Shoot for the stars because with that go getting, problem solving attitude you can move mountains and have one incredible journey no matter where you are headed. In a nutshell, you are awesome and I hope to run into you again. Have a great one!

Artfully Yours,

Jetta Marie

Shout Out: Adventure at Uptown Cheapskates

Adventure At Uptown Cheapskates In Murray

Photo: Jetta Marie

Gratitude Of The Day: New adventures and the awesome people who make them so much fun.

No matter how under the weather I am feeling I cannot seem to give up the opportunity for an adventure, even just a mini one. So Chaz and I decided to gather up our unused clothing and shoes and take it  to a little place called Uptown Cheapskates. Being the "determined" (and POSSIBLY a tad bull-headed) person that I am I decided that since I could not go to work due to temporary restrictions from the ER doctor, I was going to do at least one productive thing today. I am very glad for my stubbornness in this instance because this place is awesome and I came in contact with Tasha. What an awesome young lady.

I have always been curious about selling to thrift stores but have been a bit hesitant. I have a certain disposition, as do a lot of people I am sure, to not have the best expectations in mind. I tend to think of some musky shop who finds it entertaining to buy Grandpa's old leisure suits and resell them for prices they have not been worth since their utter demise in the 80's. But I was very happily surprised today because this store has some really trendy and hot items and the prices are great.

But the best part for a newbie thrifter like myself was how great this young lady was when I got there. She was very laid back, friendly and knowledgeable about current trends and was able to walk me through what was in current trend and what was not. She went through all the articles of clothing I brought in and talked to me about every piece in there, showing me how what I brought differed from the current fashions and by the end of the bag I was kind of sad I did not have some more for her to coach me on. In the end there were only a few pieces that were of any interest and I put it on store credit. I can not wait to go back with Chaz and show him what I learned. Most of the clothing was his so I still have a bit to learn on women trends. But Chaz is going to look amazing when we use that credit for some updates to his wardrobe. Photo session with my favorite model anyone? But of course there will be! 

Thank you Tasha for giving this old lady a much needed trend update and an amazing impression. You are awesome and don't you forget it. 

Artfully Yours,

Jetta Marie

Shout Out: Omar's Rawtopia Crew

Omar's Rawtopia is located in Sugarhouse @ 2148 South Highland Dr. 

Photo: Jetta Marie

Gratitude: Omar and his amazing crew.

Dear Readers;

 I think Omar knew when 4 little girls showed up to have dinner at a raw vegan diner that he had his work cut out for him, but he was sure up to the challenge.When we placed our orders we knew that trying to find a raw vegan dish four 4 young girls was going to be a challenge. So we picked out what we thought would work and about 5 mins later out came Omar. He was so excited to have the girls there, but he advised that what we had picked out may not work. He made the pizza (which was amazing by the way) and as he suspected, the girls found it a bit complicated. 

So He began to make recommendations that were more simple. He asked the girls what kind of veggies they liked and based on what they told him, he brought out custom plates for the girls that were simple and tasty, like the hummus with some cabbage wraps and  a vegan cream cheese dip. Omar did not give up on finding a raw vegan option for my sister-in-laws girls, and in the end 2 out of the 4 young children that sat on that patio on Friday the 26th found a raw vegan dish that they actually LIKED. And in his efforts to find options for the kids, he did not even charge us for all the little tasting plates he created for the girls. He was just so happy we found something for them to enjoy. 

Way to go Omar; we cannot thank you enough. We had a blast and we will be recommending you to EVERYONE we know. My husband and I eat at Omar's Rawtopia any chance we can get. The food has always been incredible, and even though I am by no means a vegan, much less a raw vegan, This is my favorite restaurant food. It is like art on a plate and you cannot find food like this anywhere else. I always feel so energized and awesome the next day from all the nutrients and I cannot look at a fast food place for about a week afterwards. 

Not only is the food amazing, but the people here are the most passionate chefs I have ever met. How many chefs are there around here that grow a good amount of their own food and then prepare it literally just picked when you order? How many places have you been lately where LOVE is actually listed in the ingredients? You owe it to yourself to try this place because it is a place unlike any other. The only thing I would ever change about this place is the location. Omar deserves a 5 start location but no matter where he is, I will be there enjoying my favorite bean burger on sweet cabbage leaf "buns". 

Thank you Omar, for your passion, your kindness and for that extra ingredient in everything you do. Love. Chaz and I will be back soon with our excited empty tummys. 

Artfully Yours,

Jetta Marie

Poem: Roberto- Caring for a stranger

Photo: Jetta Marie

Poem: Jetta Marie

Gratitude of the day: The kindness and actual concern showed to my husband today by Roberto. My husband has a dairy allergy, and almost every time we eat out someone puts dairy on his food and its been so hard to get someone who actually cares about the fact that dairy makes him sick. But this gentleman made POSITIVELY sure that my husband could enjoy his meal dairy free. It may seem like a small thing, but it made it possible for my husband to enjoy his meal and spend time with me rather than fighting to get a sandwich that would not make him ill. Thank you for that Roberto. Thank you for caring about two weird little people that you just met. You made a difference today. 

Its nice that people still exist

Who care about being kind

Its nice to know that if you look

Good people you can find.

Its in those tiny gestures

Like using manners and holding doors

That my faith in human kind

is growing more and more.

People who pay attention 

When you have a real concern

Those who are not looking

For ways to make words burn.

Being kind does not take much

And most just do it cause its right

But these little human beauty 

Are an awing and wonderful site.

So thank you for being kind today

For showing a little grace

You are the reason I still believe

In the goodness of human race. 

Poem; Choices

Choices

You can be a force for good

Or you can turn to darker ways

Either way you make a choice

You must face at the end of every day

People have opinions

They can be rude and often loud

But in the end the path you take

Must be for you and not the crowd

Be a force for evil

Or of something greater be a part

Whatever path you choose to take

Listen to the beating in your heart

Have the courage to live for yourself

Strive for that which stirs your being

Those things that lite your passion

That make you want to sing

No matter what watching eyes may say

Live your life strong tall and proud

Don't ever waste a single breath

On the opinions of a crowd.